Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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