you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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