Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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