yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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