I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
