Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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