New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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