So drunk its hurt
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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