Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
