two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
