I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
