you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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