My friends, they love my intelligence
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
