She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
