I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
