So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
