thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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