Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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