when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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