I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
