they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
