all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
