Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
