1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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