I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
