Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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