I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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