Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
