So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
