just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
