Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
