I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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