I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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