I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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