it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
