I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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