you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
