I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
