if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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