Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Bring me that man meat
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
