"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
