DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
