College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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