bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
