Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
