I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
