I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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