just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
