This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
