My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I will be naked everywhere
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
