the new term for farting is butt boxing.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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