she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
