debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
