I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
