Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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