I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
