i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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