Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
