my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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