Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
