oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
