Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
