I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
