haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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