When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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