I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
