He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
