its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
please come you make the beer taste better
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
