if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
