Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
