For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
