my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
