just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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