All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
