New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
