Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The adults are the big ones right?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
