don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize