i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
